Recently, I had to part ways with one of my favorite shirts. It was torn, tattered, and threadbare so it was time. It may look like a plain old long-sleeve t-shirt, but it was much more than that to me and it got me thinking about gratitude and what an important tool it has been for me in 2020.
Goodbye my love…
I bought this shirt around 2001 at Old Navy because I knew in my heart I loved Colorado and had dreams (not goals…yet) of living there. It was a comfy shirt. At the time, I was in a serious relationship where my future was already determined. I would not be moving to Colorado, but it was fun to imagine. Today, October 25, 2020, is my three-year Coloradoversary. And while it may not directly appear on every one of my gratitude lists, not a day goes by where I am not grateful to live here. The outdoor recreation is top-notch and that has proven to be a mental and physical savior during Covid.
Earlier this year I took a few Ivy League classes online and one was The Science of Well-Being with Dr. Laurie Santos. I was already a subscriber to her podcast and knew what she was about and the class was a deeper dive. Some of the components of well-being are already engrained in my daily routine (sleep and exercise) but in tracking the other “rewirements” as she calls them, I learned I could do better. One of those rewirements is gratitude. I had already written daily gratitude lists off and on, but combining it with savoring, meditation, connection, and kindness really changed my mindset. I have been rewired to look for opportunities that others might consider insignificant and feel immense gratitude. And that has been vital for my mental health during a year where use of the word “unprecedented” no longer grabs our attention.
I think minimalism and gratitude go hand-in-hand. When you do not own a lot of stuff, you are thankful for what you do own and the many purposes something fulfills. Fewer material items leads to less clutter in your mind and frees it up to focus on what is beautiful in this world–because there is a lot once you start looking for it. Although I no longer have a tattered shirt to visually cue me, I am eternally grateful for you, Colorado!
I was contemplating how I might work a post about my 46-day road trip into my blog about minimalism, but packing what you need to live out of your 4Runner for that long? Boom…Kevin Bacon. Traveling with a set amount of clothing in my truck was so easy. I felt overwhelmed when I got back to Denver and pulled my full wardrobe out of storage. If I enter a career where I need to look presentable, I will strongly consider developing a “uniform” to take the stress out of clothing decisions. I must admit that organizing my truck with what I needed and where it should be placed was a lot of fun for me.
A few fun stats about the road trip:
6,754 miles
46 days; 45 nights (23 in a tent, 20 in a bed, 2 in my truck)
Nine states (CO, WY, MT, ID, WA, OR, CA, NV, UT)
Six days without a proper shower
12 National Parks (Grand Teton, Yellowstone, North Cascades, Mount Rainier, Olympic, Crater Lake, Redwoods, Channel Islands, Joshua Tree, Great Basin, Capitol Reef, and Black Canyon of the Gunnison)
Good fortunes: health, weather, traffic conditions, meeting new friends along the way
First world problems: keeping my cooler iced (especially in the desert), crawling out of my cozy sleeping bag when nature called in the middle of the night (although sometimes that led to incredible star gazing), fewer opportunities to chat with new friends along the way due to Covid restrictions, bees, and contacts. In 30 years I have never had issues with contacts but for some reason, they were a burden on this trip!
The #1 question I received upon my return was, “What was your favorite stop or park?” At first, I was slightly vexed. I thought, “folks, you missed the point of my adventure.” One of my mantras in 2020 has been, “the joy is in the journey!” I took an interest in Buddhism this year in an effort to learn how to live more mindfully and in the moment. I quickly realized that most people don’t know that, they are just trying to connect, and it’s a common question! I’m going to steal an answer to that question from a man in Colorado who is bagging passes. When people ask him what his favorite pass is, he replies, “The next one!” Brilliant! I did not do in-depth planning for my trip. I used National Parks as my compass and let the chips fall where they may. And it was spectacular. I may not have another opportunity to slow travel until retirement, so I soaked it in. The anticipation of entering a new park that you don’t know a lot about is pure excitement. Each park stirs up awe in some capacity, after all, there is a reason for the designation. Making the decision in northern California to stick to the coast rather than heading inland fueled adrenaline in me I didn’t know existed! So what was my favorite stop of the trip? The next one!
This trip also made me realize how much I have missed travel this year. It’s so easy to get into our daily routines and take things around us for granted. When traveling, there are bound to be bad days where nothing seems to go right – tent stakes won’t drive into the ground, cooler ice has melted and leaked into a package of {insert most important food item in cooler here}, rotors are warped and the steering wheel feels like it’s going to vibrate right off the dash….you get the point. But inevitably on every trip I take, there are moments where I’m utterly overwhelmed with joy and gratitude for the life I lead. And I had many on this trip given the length: listening to live music at Worthy Brewing in Bend with new friends Cathy & Harry, sailing in the San Juans, seeing a blue whale and superpod of dolphins near the Channel Islands, walking the wild coast of Oregon, seeing more stars than imaginable at Joshua Tree and Great Basin, enjoying a beer with Holly & the entire town (or so it seemed) in Philipsburg, and paying tribute to Steve Prefontaine in Eugene. As I have settled back into real life, I am so grateful for the simple things–a fridge full of fresh food, a hot shower nearby, and a bed to climb into that doesn’t require setup. I suppose once I start taking those things for granted, it will be time to hit the road again!
When I shared my trip idea with people before my departure, many would comment, “you’re going alone?” I encountered several solo travelers around my age doing the same thing–taking an opportunity to reset. I feel sadness for people who do not feel they can do things solo. Because anyone can–you figure it out and come out more confident than before. Heck, start small–go to a movie or dinner by yourself. But if there is something you want to do or see, DO IT! As the saying goes, there are seven days in a week, and “someday” isn’t one of them. Don’t get me wrong, solo travel requires common sense and safety measures. My cousin/friend/all-around cheerleader in life Lisa had access to my location and I kept her updated on my whereabouts. I avoided riskier hikes and stuck with more traversed trails. When I saw bison on the trail, I turned around! A word of advice: when someone excitedly tells you about a solo adventure they are embarking on, respond with something along the lines of, “Amazing!” Because questioning their decision to do something solo really says more about you than it does them.
Music has always stirred emotion in me and a few specific songs just synced up with my heart during my windshield time. I listened to the Dances with Wolves soundtrack (it’s my favorite movie) driving into the first few parks early in the morning–it just fit with entering a new area of the American frontier. Somehow after that, it would just automatically start playing when I started up my truck each morning–creepy, but nice! The chorus of “Keep Your Head Up” by Ben Howard was a good reminder to:
Keep your head up, keep your heart strong No, no, no, no, keep your mind set, keep your hair long Oh my, my darlin’, keep your head up, keep your heart strong No, no, no, no, keep your mind set in your ways Keep your heart strong
I reunited with the Rent soundtrack and “No Day But Today”:
There’s only us, There’s only this Forget regret, or life is your’s to miss No other road, no other way No day but today No day but today
I have been a Pearl Jam fan since the 1990s but one of their older songs, “Present Tense,” was played during the finale for The Last Dance earlier this year. It brought the song back into my life and the lyrics aligned with what I’ve been working on–mindfulness, living in the moment, running MY race/hiking MY hike, and surrounding myself with people who support that:
Do you see the way that tree bends? Does it inspire? Leaning out to catch the sun’s rays…a lesson to be applied… Are you gettin’ something out of this all-encompassing trip? You can spend your time alone redigesting past regrets oh… Or you can come to terms and realize You’re the only one who can forgive yourself oh yeah… Makes much more sense to live in the present tense…
Certain songs just resonate so deeply it feels like the artist peered inside my heart. I’m thankful my free Apple Music subscription expired after the trip was complete.
So what grand enlightenment did I have during my 46 days on the road? This might be the part where you ask for your money back because the answer is: nothing I didn’t already know. However, it did affirm preexisting feelings. The feeling of loving the life and community I’m building in Denver. The feeling that I’m not meant to work in a conventional, nine-to-five office setting. The feeling of appreciation for friends from past chapters of my life who not only work hard to maintain a relationship with me but also support my crazy ideas. The feeling that my path is unique, and that lights a fire in me. What a joyful journey it was!
Recently I applied for what I thought might be my dream job with my alma mater that would take me back to an area where I really enjoyed living. The position was Director of Alumni Engagement for the agriculture school. I spent countless hours on the application–talking to people familiar with the position, writing the perfect cover letter and resume, and asking friends to proofread. I know a lot of people who work in the department and on the search committee, so applying alone was really putting myself out there. I had left seven years ago and here I was applying for a job to come back. I felt oh-so-vulnerable.
I spent the next several weeks considering what a move back to central Illinois would look like, thinking of ideas to implement in the position, rehearsing how I would answer interview questions, sorting through what points I would want to address in an interview, talking to some fellow alumni about their engagement level with our alma mater, jotting down questions I would want to ask about the working environment, considering how much of a pay cut I would be willing to take for a role that seemed meant for me…I did not even get an initial interview. Ouch.
My initial emotional reaction was feelings of hurt from rejection, disrespect as an alumna, and just plain stupidity for believing that they were as excited for me to apply as I was to lead alumni engagement. I talked to a few people as soon as I found out–I needed to vent and hear it was the college’s loss. This is not the first time where there hasn’t been mutual excitement from a potential employer and that has always worked out for the best in the past. So I continued to remind myself of that and that I would find meaning in the rejection eventually. I also kept thinking of Brene Brown reminding us that if we are going to put ourselves out there in life, we will get our ass kicked from time to time. And while this experience was not fun emotionally, I know it’s a step for me in practicing vulnerability.
Determined to find meaning, or gifts, in this rejection, my leadership coach gave me three areas to consider:
Knowledge. When I feel confident that something is right for me, I go all in. As I mentioned, I spent a fair amount of time thinking through a move back to central Illinois. While it’s really difficult not to let your mind go there, I will carry this feeling with me as a reminder to proceed with caution in the future. I don’t know who gets credit for the quote, “Never let a good crisis go to waste” but it’s quite true. This was far from a crisis, but I will not waste lessons learned.
Strength. It’s been a long time since I have dealt with job rejection. While this one initially stung, I do hope it strengthens my ability to handle future rejections. Because there will be future rejections if I want to keep putting myself out there. And that’s okay.
Inspiration. I have been considering making a pretty significant pivot in my career and life. This role would have been going back to the familiar–that whole “definition of insanity” reminder applies nicely. I am looking for different results and this rejection set me back on my path to seek completely new opportunities.
Ironically my phone rang the other day with an unknown number that had a central Illinois area code. I couldn’t answer so my mind went to, “What if it’s them bringing in more candidates to interview because they weren’t happy with the first round people?” And you know what? I quickly decided I wouldn’t even take an interview because it wasn’t the right path for me. I later listened to the voicemail and it was a financial representative wanting to update my contact information, but it resulted in much-needed mental closure for me. In the spirit of practicing gratitude, I would like to thank my alma mater for the rejection–you’ve helped me in more ways than you know.
In a state filled with transplants, one of the most common questions I get asked is, “What brought you to Colorado?” Sometimes I tailor my response based on who is asking because the truth is, there are several answers to that question for me. By nature I am a pretty observant person who appreciates the smaller things in life, but Covid-19 has amplified that and I took some time to reflect on: why Colorado?
Reason #1: SUNSHINE
I was introduced to Denver in the 1990s when I came out to the National Western Stock Show with my family. If you aren’t familiar with Denver, the city has changed drastically since that time. But one thing I do clearly remember is walking around in January in the sunshine sans winter jacket and loving every minute. Rumor has it we get 300+ days of sunshine here and it truly does do a lot for my mental state. Throw in the dry climate and 30 degrees here feels so much warmer than in the Midwest. I’ve officially lost my Midwest winter toughness. I do have to drink twice as much water to stay hydrated but I certainly do not miss the humidity (my running doesn’t either). Sunshine is good for the soul.
Reason #2: ACTIVE MINDSET
During the Stay at Home orders, Denver actually set up barricades to block off streets around the city so people would have more space to recreate since parks were getting overcrowded. People here are A C T I V E. All ages. All sizes. I exercise daily but my feats pale in comparison to what most people here are doing – it’s inspiring. I think back to a time when I was jogging on the side of the road in a small Illinois town and actually got flipped off for doing so…those weren’t my people. I’ve found my people in Colorado!
Reason #3: MOUNTAINS
You knew I couldn’t leave this one out…and I’m not even a skier! I can do an occasional beach here and there but ultimately they bore me. I love how the same mountain can look totally different depending on time of day and season. And the view you are rewarded with after that hard climb to the top is unbeatable. I’ve literally felt on top of the world!
Reason #4: GEOGRAPHIC LOCATION
I didn’t stumble upon this reason until I lived here for a bit and did some travel. Denver is a two hour flight to a LOT of U.S. cities. The airport is undergoing a huge expansion right now and they are adding more international destinations regularly. I’ll add that I have come to embrace Mountain as my favorite time zone – national events start a bit earlier, getting me to bed on time. 🙂
Reason #5: CASUAL ENVIRONMENT
When I lived in Chicago, my friends and I would put on our trendiest “bar attire” to go out for a night on the town. And while I loved it in my mid twenties, I’m much more comfortable with the casual Colorado environment as a 40-something minimalist. A big reason so many folks are in their active attire at a brewery is because they just rolled in from the mountains, or a bike ride, or a run! Refer to reason #2…..
Reason #6: CRAFT BEER
Colorado has one of the highest volumes of craft breweries in the country. And while I love sampling each brewer’s version of an IPA, what I enjoy even more is experiencing the vibe each venue has created. They are all so unique and really telling of what the founder wants to express. My favorite Meetup group is the Denver Beer Runners because they select a different brewery every week to run from and then socialize over a beer with new and old friends. Many breweries have their own run clubs but I truly enjoy exploring new ones every week! One of the saddest parts of Covid-19 for me is knowing our market was likely over-saturated and some breweries will not survive.
While no state is perfect, Colorado comes pretty close to it for me!
If you like to travel like me, you have likely stumbled upon articles or interviews convincing you to hack credit card points to travel on the cheap. I have listened to countless stories about upgrades and traveling glamorously for free. Travel influencers even offer paid classes on how to play the points game! I was beginning to think myself nuts in not seeing the value and finally decided to investigate for my personal situation.
In theme with other areas of my life, I prefer to keep the number of credit cards I carry to a minimum. I don’t carry a balance and probably put around $1,000 per month on average on a credit card. A few years ago I decided I didn’t want to be beholden to a specific company with points redemption and that a cash back card would be best for me. So after researching cards with no annual fee, I settled on the Citi Double Cash card which pays me 2% cash back. I just credit the money back to my account–plain and simple. The downside is that the card does not cover foreign transaction fees.
Fast forward to 2020 and I decided to see what all the hype was over using points to travel. I attended a travel show and a self-proclaimed “points guru” spoke at one session. I cornered him afterwards and asked my burning question…I do not see myself benefiting from playing the points game, what am I missing? I explained my situation: single with no family, not self-employed, a minimalist who doesn’t spend a lot, etc. He confirmed my suspicion–I won’t benefit. He even knew my Citi card and and said it was a good card for my situation. This is what I learned: the people who are truly benefiting from playing the points game usually have a spouse + family and often times own their business and they are putting every expense on credit cards. And I have a hunch, based on my experience as a loan officer observing other’s financial behaviors, that playing the points game can lead to reckless spending. The points earned from spending are the proverbial carrot being dangled in front of the card holder to spend more.
Having said this, I did wind up opening a second credit card after hearing a few speakers at the travel show recommend some options. As I mentioned, my Citi card does not cover foreign transaction fees and I was meant to do some extended travel abroad this year. I opted for the Capital One Venture card. I should meet the requirements to get the initial point bonus that may be useful for a future travel perk and it waives foreign transaction fees which will come in handy. It will also cover the cost for Global Entry/TSA Precheck. There is an annual fee on the card, but it’s waived for the first year so I have some time to decide if it’s worth keeping. I haven’t had the opportunity to redeem points yet but it appears pretty easy with their points erasure. My plan is to use it initially to earn the “sign-on bonus” then strictly use it for international travel. By the way, the Venture card has a slider bar at the bottom of their website to see how many points you can earn in a year based on your monthly spending and it also confirmed I would not earn many points. Justification…I’m not nuts!
So when you hear travel gurus trying to convince you that you should be playing the points game, make sure it truly is beneficial for your situation. Because it is not for me, the single minimalist. If you decide it is for you, please proceed with caution and don’t let the points game subconsciously increase your spending habits.
Empathy. It’s a deep word. One that can be hard to define at times.
I recently took an emotional intelligence assessment (EQ). The results were not too surprising – I scored well in emotional self-awareness after all! In reading through the results, empathy is something that stood out to me. I scored mid range on it and can be fairly empathetic (defined in this particular assessment as “the ability to recognize, understand, and appreciate the way others feel”). Each scored area provided strategies for action regardless of how you score and here’s what struck me: the two bullets to help you connect on a personal level mention children, sick kids, and a traveling spouse. Of course we are supposed to ask about, make allowances for, and be interested in these things when you work with others. But….what if you aren’t married and don’t have kids? This is something I’ve been struggling with as of late–where’s my empathy from others? Why aren’t they expected to try and understand my lifestyle and choices? Because to be frank, most don’t. I have worked in an industry that is generally pretty traditional in their approach to life–marriage, kids, and the 2,500 square foot house. I genuinely feel that some people think my life holds less value since I never married and had children. Or maybe they think I’m a good person but they cannot think of anything to talk to me about since all they know how talk about is their kids. I suppose I’m left with the question, how can I invoke empathy from others? The answer likely lies within an area in which I fail miserably: vulnerability.
The areas I scored well include interpersonal relationships, social responsibility, optimism, emotional self-awareness, and impulse control. The areas I would like to improve in are problem solving when emotions are involved, self-regard, emotional expression, stress tolerance, and flexibility. The conclusion I arrived at is perhaps if I can improve my emotional expression, it may result in empathy from others.
Recently I’ve been exploring opportunities for my next career chapter and have done some work around values. I found it interesting that the values I’ve identified aligned with my emotional strengths pretty closely. While fluid, my current values paired with my strengths include:
I know most career assessments center around personality traits but I found an EQ assessment more relevant at this stage of my life. The assessment was the sprint…now comes the marathon of working on strengthening areas of weakness. The good news is, our emotional intelligence does not peak until our upper 40s and even after that someone can continue to develop their EQ if they really desire. Let the marathon begin!
As I’ve mentioned, minimalism is an ongoing journey for me and 2020 is going to be year of exploration, growth, and trying new things. I decided to experiment with a minimalist haircut since I was ready for a change and am going to be doing some upcoming travel. I have my skincare/makeup routine down to very few products, so I thought why not! Side note: tinted moisturizer is one of the best inventions ever – coverage, moisture, and SPF all in one? Brilliant.
I have to be completely honest–the first time I went to the salon, I chickened out. She cut my hair shorter, but it wasn’t a pixie cut. After a week of not really liking that cut, I went back for an adjustment and BAM…most of my hair was gone. Hair is a funny thing. It’s something that will replenish itself over time but we wrap so much of our identity up in it. I’m embarrassed to admit that one of my hang-ups in going for a pixie was, “What will other people think?” In fact one of the reasons I chickened out at the first appointment was because the stylist talked me out of it. I also wondered if it would age me. IT’S JUST HAIR!
After a week of living with very little hair, I’m happy to report I love it. I use a dime size portion of product to style it and can let it air dry and go. I always had to use a hair dryer and straightener with my longer hair. It can be standing on end when I wake up in the morning but I can quickly run my fingers through it and style it into something presentable. I think it will make travel easier. And I figure if I have a strong desire to experience long hair, I can just buy a wig! Here’s what I’ve learned in life: if you own something with confidence, others will think you look great.
My preference is not to eat out a ton – it’s expensive and mostly unhealthy. On average, I would guess I eat out once per week. The good news is when I do eat out or order in, the portion sizes are massive so it’s usually multiple meals for me. I’m not a great chef, don’t care to spend hours prepping, don’t like waste, and I’m cooking for one at home…so I thought I would share some of my “rules” and give you a peak inside my pantry.
I have a list of my rotation of meals on my iPhone. I’m pretty routine, so this is what works for me. Sometimes I’ll cook with friends and learn some new tricks and recipes and add them in. I am an adventurous eater, just not an adventurous solo cook! Having disclosed that, here are are some guidelines I tend to live by to keep my kitchen minimal:
If a recipe requires me to buy more than a couple items, I tend to scroll on by. Or if they seem minor, just eliminate that ingredient.
If I do buy ingredients, they need to be something I will use regularly going forward or use up in that recipe or over the next few days. I try to avoid food waste as much as possible.
If the recipe makes multiple servings, they need to warm up well for leftovers throughout the week or freeze nicely.
I try to substitute for ingredients that have a longer shelf life. For example, instead of fresh lemons, I just keep a bottle of lemon juice on hand. You can do the same thing with jarred garlic, ginger, etc. The nice thing about cooking is being able to adapt and adjust as needed…that’s probably why I quit baking years ago!
So, other than lemon juice, what are my staple items? Things like butter, extra virgin olive oil, olive oil, balsamic vinegar, salt, pepper, red pepper flakes, soy sauce, Worcestershire, cumin, onion powder, lemon pepper seasoning, garlic powder, cayenne, cinnamon, panko, canned tomatoes, tomato sauce, peanuts, capers, Italian dressing, peanut butter, granola, honey, brown sugar, rice, pasta, and flax. Oh, I found a recipe for fajita seasoning (fajitas are in my regular rotation) and it made quite a bit, so I have my own homemade seasoning too. I am also a big fan of protein, so here is what I keep on hand in that category: Angus beef (frozen, from my family’s farm), frozen shrimp, eggs, and I usually have a cut up rotisserie chicken in the fridge. I am not a big pork eater, despite growing up on a hog farm! I tend to go in and out of fish consumption. Unfortunately I have a sweet tooth, so some not-so-healthy staples include Dove chocolates, frozen M&Ms, fun size Snickers, and perhaps an ice cream product in warmer months!
Knowing what my staples are and keeping them stocked makes it easy to browse the produce aisle weekly and buy whatever is in season, on sale, or looks good! What are your staples?
Photos. They are one of my greatest joys! I can look through old photos for hours. It’s so fun to reminisce and see what has changed. This is one collection I won’t sacrifice to be a minimalist…and that’s okay! The entire point of minimalism is to be enlightened by what you can indeed live without. But nearly everyone has that one item, hobby, collection, etc. that injects happiness into their life…and that would be photographs for me.
At the conclusion of 2018 I decided to do a photo “yearbook” and continued that tradition when 2019 wrapped. It’s a big project that I really have to prod myself to work through. I vow to work on it quarterly during the year to stay on top of it, but fail miserably. A friend posts a lot of photos on Facebook and had one created quickly from them. I don’t post much publicly and am a bit more particular on the layout, so prefer to create my books from scratch. Upon recommendation of my sister, I am currently using Mixbook. I am really pleased with the quality and cherish looking back through the year! Plus, it’s a thin book that takes up little space (unlike my albums from the 90’s that are bursting at the seams).
Should I ever be faced with the decision of what to grab in a fire…it will likely be my iPhone and photo books.
The reason I included the word “single” in the title of my blog is because I wanted to touch on the ups and downs of navigating life in an unconventional manner. I grew up in rural Illinois–not marrying and having kids is very out of the ordinary there. Of course divorces are not uncommon, which is how I want to respond when people there find it odd I never married…but I digress.
One of the cons of being single is not having a built-in support system at all times. Someone to tell your stories to daily. A person who lifts you up when you’ve been knocked down and restores confidence. And even someone to question whether you really need that dessert! While studies show time and again that relationships in life are crucial, maintaining them is becoming increasingly harder. In a world of social media, it seems many feel being “friends” on social media is enough.
Years ago, we used to write letters to distant friends and family. When cell phones and packages with monthly minutes were introduced, we called one another (and people would return calls when missed!) Now we exchange occasional text messages and hope for a return text, which doesn’t always happen. This has been a struggle for me. I rely on friends and family to be my support system and I take it personally when calls or texts go unreturned. I also hopelessly await being celebrated for moments that are big in my life (completing my first multi-day backpack, finishing another half marathon, turning 40) but pale in comparison to marriage and kids to others. This is the main reason why I’m drawn to city living–I’ve found a group of friends on similar, unconventional paths (hooray for SINKs and DINKs!) But unfortunately regardless of who I befriend, growing and maintaining relationships seems to be a dying art.
So if you have a single friend or relative…reply to the text, return the call, or perhaps even write them a letter expressing what they mean to you.
the single minimal(ist) 