the single minimal(ist)

top pods of 2021

The podcast world continues to evolve, expand, and capture my attention! As 2022 kicks off, I feel like I am in a bit of a pod rut and could use some fresh pods to follow. So I will be quite clear with my CTA: please send any recommendations my way, minus true crime.

My year-end list includes podcasts that I enjoyed all year (versus my Pod of the Week, which is a specific episode from the week prior). I am becoming more particular about my pods, and these casts kept my attention throughout 2021. I have included one of my favorite episodes from each podcast if you want to sample. Happy listening, learning, and laughing!

#10 – The Jungle Prince

This is a three-episode series that dropped in 2019, but I just listened to it in 2020. It’s a fascinating story about a supposed royal family in India. This pod will pass the time nicely if you have a 90-minute car ride.
Favorite cast: n/a – it’s a three-episode series

#9 – Park Predators

I suppose this pod falls into the true crime category, but it includes the National Parks, so it reeled me in. The tagline is, “Sometimes the most beautiful places hide the darkest secrets.” Yikes. An investigative reporter shares cases of crimes in nature that have gone cold or remain unsolved.
Favorite cast: The Widower

#8 – Live From My Office

As a former radio guy on WGN in Chicago, host Steve Cochran brings a breadth and depth of knowledge to his podcast. He is well-connected and interviews some pretty interesting guests. Some of his episodes are more regional to Illinois but typically a good listen. My favorite recurring guests are Eric Adelstein and Pat Brady, a Democrat and a Republican who are friends and respectfully discuss and explain political issues. Steve recently started a new weekly episode called The Deep 6, where he and a cohost run through six hot topics in the news.
Favorite cast: The Hard Truth About Afghanistan

#7 – Unfiltered

This pod will have a much more niche audience: calling all Colorado craft beer lovers! Two guys who love Colorado beer interview local brewery owners. The hosts both have full-time jobs, and the pod seems to be more of a hobby, so there is no regular frequency. I have enjoyed hearing the story behind breweries. The only problem is, I usually wind up adding yet another brewery to my “need to visit” list, which perpetually grows longer. Cheers!
Favorite cast: Scroll through the old episodes and find your favorite brewery!

#6 – Outside Podcast

For some reason, this isn’t a pod I am quick to listen to when a new episode drops, but I am always glad when I eventually do. The pod shares inspiring stories relating to the outdoors, adventure, and activity… all things I love.
Favorite cast: The Stinky Truths About Your Sweat

#5 – Terrible, Thanks For Asking

I want to be very clear: this is not exactly an uplifting podcast. So if you are not in a good place to hear stories that revolve around grief, you might skip this one. But host Nora McInerny tells the stories so beautifully, like only someone who has experienced deep pain could. She also manages to inject humor in the most appropriate way.
Favorite cast: The Grudge Book

#4 – Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend

I believe Conan is the only pod that has made my list every year! I can’t think of many people who possess smarts, humor, and the ability to interact naturally with others like he can. And while he and his guests share a lot of laughs, he also manages to go deeper and expose a more serious side to them.
Favorite cast: Tiffany Haddish

#3 – We Can Do Hard Things

I cannot recall how I stumbled upon Glennon Doyle, but I’m so glad I did. I read her book, Untamed, and was instantly a fan. So I was thrilled when she started a podcast this year with her sister and her wife (former professional soccer star Abby Wambach). I love nonconformity, and they preach on it weekly.
Favorite cast: Happyish Holidays: Our Top Three Hacks

#2 – ESPN Daily

Host Pablo Torre is 100% the reason I love this podcast. If you have the slightest interest in sports, give it a follow. He interviews other sports journalists about various sports and makes it incredibly fun. And his laugh! Oh, how I adore his laugh. It’s a short listen to start your weekday mornings off right.
Favorite cast: How to Survive the World’s Most Impossible Run

#1 – Smartless

What happens when Jason Bateman, Will Arnett, and Sean Hayes record a podcast? Lots of sarcasm. I am confident some people in Denver think I am nuts because I have laughed out loud while listening to Smartless on a run or a walk. The title is accurate, you won’t learn a lot…but you will laugh as they interview other celebrities!
Favorite cast: George Clooney

Honorable mentions: Dear Chelsea, Ten Percent Happier, Invisibilia, How I Built This

Consider a New Approach to the Holidays

Our world continues to look different as a result of the pandemic. I am sure experts predicted the many consequences of a virus shutting down the world, but I have not gone out of my way to proactively study what might be next. My approach has been to take it as it comes—survive and advance if you will. I think it’s mental self-preservation. The changes in our world have provided all of us with a chance to reframe thoughts and traditions.

I am incredibly grateful that the pandemic has not had a catastrophic impact on me. Has it introduced inconveniences along the way? You bet. None of us are entirely immune to the side effects of a worldwide shutdown. Most recently, we have been experiencing a massive disruption in the supply chain. It has certainly put things in perspective, showing us how spoiled we were to have what we wanted when we wanted it. But now, if you need a part or a specific item, the ‘rona has dictated, “Not so fast!” This topic has been pushed to the headlines with the holiday buying frenzy quickly approaching.

A bare shelf at the store has become a common occurrence.

In my opinion, the supply chain disruption is providing a terrific opportunity to reset. Perhaps this is a chance to reevaluate priorities. Don’t get me wrong, the inability to source a part for a broken washing machine prompting multiple trips to a laundromat doesn’t exactly have me dancing for joy, but bear with me. Regardless of faith background, many families will celebrate holidays in the upcoming months that have traditionally included exchanging gifts. Maybe 2021 is a chance to take a second look at that tradition. Or find alternative “gifts” to give. Here are some ideas that I think are worth consideration:

Experiential Gifts

Rather than buying a bunch of material items, consider what experience you could gift someone. Think about what they enjoy doing but don’t spend the money or time to actually do. As a bonus, you may be supporting local businesses trying desperately to rebound.

Take someone out to eat
Purchase a gift certificate for a local attraction
Gift them lessons for a new hobby
Volunteer together for a local organization
Treat them to a massage, pedicure, or indulgent experience

The Gift of Time

Quality time with loved ones has undoubtedly been disrupted since March 2020. I believe the pandemic taught us all how important time spent with others is to our happiness. Perhaps this year, you put the gift exchanges on pause and simply decide to spend time with your people. Plan a festive meal. Use the money you would spend on gifts and plan a trip together instead. Just be together without the pressure of needing to come bearing gifts.

Written Gifts

One of the greatest gifts I received this year was a written, mailed letter from a dear friend I have known since kindergarten. The timing was eerily impeccable. But it was an incredible letter of support, encouragement, and love. It meant more to me than any physical item and arrived just when I needed it, and I may never be able to repay her for that gift. Write letters to loved ones expressing your gratitude for the joy they bring to your life. I pull out cards or letters and read them if I need a boost. That’s just not something a new sweater can provide.

I would have smiled bigger had I known 38 years later this gal would send me the most thoughtful letter in the mail!

Creative Gifts

I do acknowledge that gift-giving is how some people prefer to show love. If you have a unique, creative talent, consider making a personalized item. Many people took up baking during stay-at-home orders. Put that practice to use and make edible gifts for others. Record a short song using your musical talent. Send a video clip with thoughtful greetings, or order one from your favorite athlete or celebrity on cameo.

It’s true, I prefer to live simply, but I am not just trying to push my agenda here! Researchers like Yale’s Lauri Santos have proven that perpetually buying stuff (I would substitute another “s” word) does not lead to happiness. I have noticed how consumption and gift-giving have changed since I was a child. I used to look through the Toys ‘R Us catalog and mark items that excited me, hoping to receive just one toy. Today, most of us buy what we need when we need it. Many kids have more toys than they can feasibly enjoy. Maybe it’s time to start modeling quality time together during the holidays for the next generation and set the wrapping paper aside.

This year, I challenge you to recalibrate your thinking; step outside of your comfort zone. Find new, creative ways to celebrate your holiday. Center it around quality time spent with those you love. You might be surprised to learn how much headspace the stress of buying the perfect present for everyone has been taking up. Let’s stop waiting until people die to talk about how much they mean to us. Go out of your way to share with friends or family why you love them.

If you are brave enough to mix up your holiday traditions and hate it, I grant you full permission to return to the gift frenzy in 2022. But researchers have studied what people wish for on their death bed, and spoiler alert: it’s not another pair of socks or a gift card to the Home Depot.

What the Childless Person in Your Life Wants You To Know

Are you showing up for the childless person in your life? I am going to challenge you and suggest you could do better. While I don’t have statistical data, I have a large group of childless friends who have felt unimportant at some point because of that status. They have probably never told you that, or maybe they have tried and felt unheard.

There are acronyms to describe singles or couples without children: SINKs (Single Income No Kids) and DINKs (Double Income No Kids). I proudly fall into the SINK category. I’ve lived in rural areas, mid-size cities, and large cities. City living has been my preference simply because there are more SINKs and DINKs, making it a less judgmental environment. Most of my friends in Denver are childless, which makes sense. We run with crowds who lead similar lifestyles. I want to be clear, though: that does not mean I want to eliminate people in my life with kids. But after several years of hearing the same complaints from SINKs and DINKs, I decided I deserved more and started setting boundaries in my life.

I have taken mental notes of common occurrences I hear about in my crowd that lead to unhappy relationships with friends or family members. I enjoy bridging gaps and try to be solution-oriented when a problem presents itself. So, based on my conversations, I decided to compile a “check yourself” list for people with children. It includes suggestions of how to show SINKs and DINKs in your life that we are valued.

Celebrate Us

Your childless friend or family member has likely shown up for showers, birthdays, sporting events, recitals, and much more to cheer on your kids. Those are important events for you as a parent; we are supporting you. Are you reciprocating? Celebrate meaningful milestones in our life such as birthdays, job promotions, project completions, volunteer work, trips, etc. Something that may seem insignificant to you is a bigger deal to SINKs and DINKs.

Check In on Us

This one is especially true for SINKs, who may live alone. A social media connection is not a relationship. I recently read a thread where singletons with chronic illness discussed how hard it was for them to ask for help. One person suggested saying, “I am going to bring <insert item here> by, when is a good time?” rather than, “Let me know if you need something.”

There is a good chance a SINK is independent, but everyone needs emotional support. Send a text message letting us know that you are thinking about us. Call just to say hi. Tell us how good it was to see us in person. From my perspective, these are simple tasks that can mean the world.

A good old-fashioned phone call just to say “Hi!” is a pleasant surprise!

Consider Us

Holidays or gatherings usually include a series of texts, emails, or calls to form plans. Families with kids typically get asked what might work for them, but are you asking the SINKs and DINKs? One of the most common complaints I hear is just not getting asked what works for our schedule. I am more inclined to show flexibility if just a little consideration for me is shown.

Take an Interest in Our Life

I fully recognize having children is very time-consuming both physically and mentally. But take an interest in what matters to us. Listen to what is causing us stress. You probably won’t be able to solve it, but you can acknowledge our hardship. Ask more meaningful questions than, “Big weekend plans?” There are people in my life that probably think they know me well, and they really don’t. Talking about your kid’s accomplishments comes across as normal. If I blurt out my accomplishments, it’s weird. Ask questions. Dig Deeper.

Support Our Choices

This one seems obvious but rarely occurs. As a society, we are wired to support having children. But the reverse is not as accepted. Do you regularly cheerlead the SINK or DINK in your life? Do you say positive things about our choices in front of your children? I have been called selfish and irresponsible, of which I am neither. I have just made different life choices.

I might ruffle some feathers, but take an honest look in the mirror and ask yourself: “Am I jealous of their freedom? Am I jealous of their disposable income? Am I jealous of their ability to relocate on a whim?” It’s okay if the answer is “yes.” SINKs and DINKs have probably felt jealousy of you and the love you have experienced between parent and child. The choice to not have children is complex and not without a lot of emotions. Even if you know in your heart having a child isn’t right for you, there is still grief, especially as a woman. Try to set aside the envy you might feel of our freedom and support and encourage.

Select Conversation Topics With Thought

I know your world might revolve around breastfeeding, diapers, soccer games, and PTA, but ours does not. Sure, we can feign interest, but it’s not overly relatable for SINKs and DINKs. For the hour or two you are hanging out with us, find more common topics to discuss. Think about what bonded you before children and run with it. I think you will notice a higher level of engagement.

Go Out of Your Way for Us

SINKs and DINKs are typically expected to be the traveling party. After all, we don’t have kids in tow. And while we are mostly okay with this, reciprocation from time to time is appreciated. Do you offer to visit them? I have traveled 900 miles to visit friends or family and then asked to drive further so that the other party does not have to drive at all. I have started saying no. I would joyfully go out of my way nine times out of ten, as long as that tenth time is offered.

Include Us

This one is geared more toward SINKs. Most of the SINKs I know have no problem being the third wheel. Unless you and your partner will be bickering or making out the entire time, invite us along. It’s mind-boggling how many people I have known who partnered up and suddenly stopped wanting to hang out or travel together. (It’s one of the reasons I started solo traveling!) I promise you can still have solid relationships with SINKs. I have several great friendships with couples, with and without kids!

Is there one thing you could do to meet the childless person in your life halfway?

The birth rate in the United States continues to decline. Choosing not to have children is becoming more common. However, I think it will take society a while to catch up with this choice and arrive at acceptance. Craft your words carefully. Rather than saying, “You don’t want kids?” you can say, “I admire the path you’re on!” Unfortunately, there will always be people who can’t get there. I have had to have some difficult conversations with people in my life about boundaries I was choosing to set and asking if they had the capacity to give me what I needed. A few have stepped up big time, and some did not. But I am grateful to have people in my life who effortlessly exhibit every quality on the “check yourself” list.

I’m proud to model a different path for young girls. It wasn’t modeled for me when I was a child. I am also bold enough to be the voice for SINKs and DINKs who want to feel valued but don’t know how to tell you. The next time you are annoyed that a SINK or DINK didn’t meet your expectations, I would ask you to stop and think, are you meeting theirs? Most of us are happy to give more than we get in the above areas, but getting nothing can be exhausting.

If you are a parent and find yourself mad after reading this, GOOD! Once you simmer and give it some thought, consider the question I asked at the start: are you showing up for the childless person in your life?

4 Days, 3 National Parks! Road Trip from Denver to New Mexico

If you are looking to escape the crowds in Colorado for a nearby adventure, I encourage you to look south to New Mexico. The Southwest is a gorgeous place with such a unique landscape. If you are used to lush, green surroundings…brace yourself. Here is an easy itinerary to visit three National Parks, or “America’s best idea.”

I departed Denver on a Sunday morning. I planned my trip on a Sunday through Wednesday in May to avoid crowds. It’s a beautiful drive as you ascend Raton Pass and descend into New Mexico. I was on a National Parks trip, but I did see several signs indicating Federal sites in northern New Mexico. Las Vegas, NM, is a good stopping point for gas and food.

Roswell, New Mexico

My first stop other than gas was Roswell, NM. I needed to stretch my legs by then since it’s about 7 hours from Denver. Aliens and UFOs have never occupied much of my headspace, but this town doesn’t let you think about much else! I stumbled upon the Visitor Center, which is very nice. The ladies working were very friendly and even took a complimentary photo of me with two aliens. They also have a clean restroom for public use. I walked a few blocks south and paid the $5 admission fee to walk through the International UFO Museum. I’ll admit it did prompt me to question who has visited our planet from beyond.

New friends at the International UFO Museum

Ironically, not long after my visit, 60 Minutes did a story on potential information about UFOs our government may be withholding. It’s fun to imagine the possibilities.

Sunset Reef Campground

Sunset Reef was my targeted campground for Sunday and Monday night. It’s a free Bureau of Land Management campsite and a little under 2 hours from Roswell. I stopped in the town of Carlsbad for gas and ice cream. Gas is hard to come by around Guadalupe Mountains National Park. I loved Sunset Reef! Each spot has a shelter, picnic table, and grill. There are around six tent spots and six RV spots. The best feature is the clean bathroom. It’s very accessible via an easy dirt road that leads to the camp. In researching the area, I kept seeing comments about high wind. So for this trip, I put an air mattress in the back of my truck and skipped the tent. That turned out to be a good call!

Guadalupe Mountains National Park

I got up with the sunrise to make my coffee and hit the road to GMNP, which is only 25 minutes from the Sunset Reef. This park is just across the state line in Texas. I stopped at the Pine Springs Visitor Center. It wasn’t open yet, but I caught a ranger putting the flag up to inquire about my chosen hike. She also grabbed me a park map, which I collect every time I go to a park. I like to mark what I did on the visit with a Sharpie. Most visitors like to hike Guadalupe Peak because it’s the tallest peak in Texas. I chose Hunter Peak because I had read it had better views. I hiked the loop counterclockwise so I would have the steepest part on the climb up. It was a 9-mile hike with 3,100′ of elevation gain and stunning views. I essentially had the trail to myself.

The red bark on the Texas Madrones was stunning!

It was a warm, windy day. The trailhead offered a dish sink for campers, so I stuck my sweaty head under the faucet to wash my hair. On my drive back to Sunset Reef, I stopped at Frijole Ranch and McKittrick Canyon. I was lucky enough to meet a lady whose relatives lived at Frijole Ranch, and she gave me a great history lesson. McKittrick had a short nature trail and longer day hikes, but I was worn out. So I returned to camp and made ramen noodles!

Carlsbad Caverns National Park

Due to the pandemic, Carlsbad was still on a reservation system. I had pre-booked my ticket for 8:30 a.m., which was the earliest slot. I had a leisurely morning since it is also only about 30 minutes from the campground. I arrived at the Visitor Center by 8 a.m. to use the restroom and secure my map. You cannot take any food or trekking poles into the cavern, so I made sure those items were out of my daypack. You can take water in. I also suggest a coat as the temperature in the caverns is in the 50s. There is an elevator to access the caverns, but I highly recommend taking the natural entrance in and the elevator out at the end. It’s the same path, so you won’t see anything new by walking out.

the sun shining on the natural entrance — The natural entrance

The caverns are a pretty spectacular sight! I spent about 2 hours inside. You could potentially spend a bit more time when the scenic rooms reopen. I didn’t have great luck with my photos turning out. There is an evening bat flight to watch, but due to drought, the bats were not around when I visited.

White Sands National Park

I left Carlsbad by late morning and headed west to White Sands. Most of my trip was at or above Denver elevation. This drive took me over a pass at Cloudcroft. My intent was to camp there and see White Sands the next day, but I had so much time left in the day I continued to the park. That was the right decision. I got to the park mid-afternoon and it was still scorching hot. I stopped at the visitor center to get my map and talk with a ranger (you now know my National Park routine). As I was driving to my first hike, Dune Life Nature Trail, I spotted something red and gorgeous out of the corner of my eye along the road. The Dune Life Nature Trail is only a mile, but that was enough with the heat. I did hike barefoot, which was comfortable. As I drove further into the park, I noticed they had to plow the gypsum like snow to keep roads clear. I made stops at the Horse Area, Backcountry Camping Loop Trail, and the Interdune Boardwalk, which is very accessible. I met a photographer who said there was a boondocking spot right outside the park that he was planning on utilizing. This was a relief because I wasn’t thrilled with the spot I had scoped out around 30 minutes south of the park. With that information, I decided to stick around the park to see the sunset. To kill time, I went in search of that red beauty along the road. It was the Echinocereus coccineus, or Scarlet hedgehog cactus.

bright red blooms on a cactus — The Scarlet hedgehog cactus stands out among white sand!

There were three of them grouped together and I didn’t see them anywhere else in the park. White Sands typically has sunset ranger walks, but those were on pause during my visit. I made my way to the Alkali Flat Trail for the sunset view. After quick ramen in the trailhead parking lot, I walked out about a half-mile and waited for the show. It was spectacular! I followed my new friend’s directions and made a right turn out of the park, and right there was the boondocking spot. Although this particular lot comes with a warning…

Return to Denver

I had planned to hit the road pretty early for the drive home, but my alarm clock wasn’t what I expected. Just south of the park sits White Sands Missile Range. I had noticed warning signs along the road that it can be shut down when missiles are launched. My alarm clock was a police siren with a friendly officer warning the boondockers that if we wanted to leave, we should do so now. The road would be shut down for a launch. So at 5:30 a.m., I jumped into the front seat and pointed the truck toward Alamogordo for coffee and a bathroom. I then headed north to Denver. I noticed on my drive home that New Mexico offers a lot of pull-offs for boondockers or truckers to park overnight, which is nice.

Next Time

I always like to keep a “next time” list after a trip. One should always have a reason to return!

Trinidad is a small town in southern Colorado that seems to be beckoning me. It has a historic downtown that Dana Crawford is helping to revitalize. Dana has been a game-changer in Denver, so I know big things are happening when she’s involved.
Las Cruces is a larger city in New Mexico and less than an hour from White Sands National Park. I didn’t want to take the time to visit on this trip but would like to spend some time there. It’s home to New Mexico State University and the former home of the late, great Lou Henson.
I was planning to camp in Cloudcroft on my route from Carlsbad to White Sands, but I forged on when I made better time than I thought. It looked like a cute little ski town and I would love to spend a day in that area.

No matter where you live, I hope you will consider exploring all that New Mexico has to offer. The state slogan is, “It grows as it goes,” which should be just odd enough to pique your curiosity.

a path to minimalism: intentional buying rewirements

Ahhh, the high experienced when dropping off a load of purged items at the donation center. While I am thrilled to see minimalism and paring down become trendy, I rarely see these habits stick. Items are quickly replaced by new purchases.

Buying something new might generate endorphins, but what if you could put that money toward a trip? Or retirement? Or taking a gap year from work? These are just some examples of things proven to offer long-term happiness.

Decluttering once or twice a year is not tackling the root of the problem. Rewiring your mindset and buying intentionally will lead to more sustainable results. But like most good things, it will not happen without a little bit of effort. I would like to offer some practical rewirements to help you become a more intentional buyer:

Pause and think. Outside of staple grocery and toiletry items, I give thought to everything I buy. Yes, everything. I consider the cost, how much space it will take up, how often I will use it, whether I can rent or borrow it, and how many purposes it will serve. This might sound like a lot of work, but it becomes automatic. I keep a running “wish list” on the notes app on my phone. This allows me to really think about how badly I need it. Some things get purchased and other items wiped from the list. If you are online shopping, keep something in your cart for a few weeks and consider if you really want to press the “buy” button. Stop impulse buying; start buying with intent.
Cancel coupons. If you find yourself being tempted by sales, promotions, or coupons–D&I. That is, delete and ignore. The old adage is true – if something costs $500 and is on sale for $300, you did not save $200…you spent $300. Marketing is a mind game and you are falling for it every time you feel compelled to act on what you are being sold. I cannot overstate how good it feels to defeat consumerism. If you need to reduce temptation, unsubscribe from emails, ignore ads on social media that are targeting your every desire, throw coupons from the mail straight into the recycle bin, and proudly proclaim, “Not today, marketers!”
Reduce, reuse, recycle. By intentionally buying you are already reducing packaging and waste going into a landfill. If something no longer serves its intended purpose, consider a way to repurpose it and use it in a different capacity. Do not be so quick to discard something that is not working. Recently my vacuum stopped working. I called Dirt Devil after coming up short with the troubleshooting offered in the manual and they were able to walk me through a hard reset that got the vacuum working again. I did not have the same luck with a hairdryer after taking it apart and trying to revive it, so a quick search showed it could be recycled at Best Buy. There are countless videos and threads in forums on how to fix every item imaginable. Try harder before discarding and buying new.
Share and borrow. Remember the old days when it wasn’t weird to knock on your neighbor’s door without advanced notice and ask to borrow something? That may still exist in some neighborhoods, but let’s normalize that again! Do you really need to buy a tool to use once per year if your neighbor has it? Conversely, you likely have something that your neighbor would like to borrow.

Rewiring your habits will take some time and effort but intentional buying will become second nature before long. There are so many benefits that include freeing up headspace to think about more important things, less waste for the planet, more money in your savings account, and the most satisfying benefit…defeating consumerism.

wrestling with love languages

My financial advisor’s company recently hosted Dr. Gary Chapman who famously introduced us to the five love languages. As my blog title implies, I am single, but I still wanted to participate since it pertains to many types of relationships–friends, family, coworkers, etc. I have not read Dr. Chapman’s book but the concept certainly makes sense to me. I had a hunch what my love language might be but I took the online quiz to see my results:

I was somewhat surprised! Not necessarily by the general order but I assumed “quality time” might be my top love language. I do wonder if the phase of life I am in affected the outcome and if five years ago or five years from now, the top two or three might shuffle. Surely lack of hugs from our Covid world shifted “physical touch” downward a notch because I assumed “receiving gifts” would be the basement dweller. As I work through a phase of my life involving change, growth, reflection, and exploration, it makes sense that “words of affirmation” came out on top.

As a minimalist and non-conformist, I find it difficult to garner the type of love that I most desire. Those closest to me recognize that I am not a joyful receiver of material gifts that do not serve a purpose. I have also been living somewhat nomadically for over three years so I try to keep belongings to a minimum. In a society where success looks very different for the majority of people (corporate ladder, marriage, kids), I do not get a lot of affirmation for what I consider to be success and accomplishment. In fact, it is so rare, I take great notice when someone does lift me up. And it usually makes my entire week! I will shoulder the blame for this – I projected strength and I-don’t-need-no-stinkin’-support in my 20s and 30s. But I started to learn about vulnerability in my 40s and have been allowing myself to openly express it. I have discovered that when you are really working on yourself but the rest of the world is moving along status quo, you want to hire a skywriter and broadcast, “Things have changed! Please recognize and adjust accordingly!” The world does not work like that, though. Changed behaviors take time. In the interim, I have also learned how you talk to yourself is important. There is a little affirmation embedded in the morning yoga I do that starts my day off a smidge better. Through virtual networking and career groups, I have met others at a similar junction in their life and we lift each other up. I have developed supportive relationships with people I have never met in real life! It has been a great reminder that when you are not getting what you need, advocate for yourself and go find it.

In addition to recognizing my preferred love language, the quiz also prompted me to think about how I give love away. I struggle with how to show love to my peeps whose love language is receiving gifts since that does not align with my values. I have settled on a few approaches. I have become more of an impromptu gift-giver. If I encounter an item or service I think someone would really enjoy, I gift it right then and there rather than forced buying for specific occasions. It is typically something that serves a purpose, not a figurine to sit on a shelf. I also like to send cards made on an app using scenic photos I have taken on my adventures. One of my favorite things to come out of Covid is more regular PHONE calls with those in my inner circle. Remember those? You can maintain a much deeper relationship through conversation than you can through text messaging or social media. I know a phone call from someone I love sure brightens my day.

Life would be a bit easier if everyone walked around with their love language tattooed on their forearm–no guessing required! But what fun would that be? Relationships are about getting to know someone better and thoughtfully considering how they might best receive love and recognizing that could shift over time. Living in a world where short texts are fired off and we keep in touch through social media posts, I am afraid this is becoming a lost art. I am going to challenge myself to consider love language more in my relationships and enjoy the journey of deepening them to figure it out. Join me, will you?

running: the minimalist’s dream sport

I started running long before I even knew a minimalist lifestyle even existed. That was circa 2006 and I was living in a studio garden apartment on Altgeld Street in Lincoln Park (“garden” is the word Chicago landlords use to make a basement apartment sound fancier than it is). The distance between the major streets was a half-mile, so I would run from Fullerton south to Armitage and turn around for a mile run. I felt so accomplished! Eventually, I worked up to a few miles. Then one night after work, I set out along the lakefront where I ran for five miles, experienced my first runner’s high, and felt on top of the world! During that time, I decided I should invest in a pair of running shoes. Or more likely, marketing helped me make that decision. I went through the motions of a fitting, trotting around the store to see what shoe felt right, and ultimately landed on a pair of Asics. I told the salesperson that I was not too fond of the color. It was the most money I had ever spent on a pair of shoes, shouldn’t I at least think they look nice? That was my very first lesson in running: “You do NOT buy running shoes for looks!” the salesperson barked. Well okay then.

When I think back on that time, I was already living a somewhat minimalistic lifestyle. It certainly was not by design, mostly due to lack of money! But I have to wonder if it was always inside of me to some degree, and perhaps why I was drawn to running. I love that I really only need a pair of shoes to run anywhere in the world. A run is a fantastic way to tour a new area all while getting some exercise. And truth be told, you could probably go to Walmart and buy a pair of shoes to run in and get along just fine. Today, I use a few additional accessories like a GPS watch, headphones, an armband for my phone, maybe a hat here and there…but none of that is necessary to get the job done. I always chuckle when women eager to take up running go out and buy the most expensive attire to outfit themselves from head to toe. The pavement does not care what brand of shorts you are wearing; it won’t improve your speed or endurance. Hard work and determination are far more important. I know I have mentioned blinders before, but…Put. Them. On. Ignore the advertising, social media posts, or whatever is screaming at you that you MUST have {insert item} to be a runner!

I have now run around 13,000 miles in my life and will hopefully keep putting one foot in front of the other for years to come. I can do it anywhere in the world, any time of day, in any weather…and all with a pair of shoes! Running + minimalism = a match made in heaven.

forget about the Joneses

I have been working with a sharp young lady who has been advising me on the health insurance marketplace. She and her fiancé recently moved to Washington state from the Denver metro area. After getting business out of the way on a recent call, I asked how the relocation was going. She told me the housing market was similar to Denver (very competitive–prospects bidding way over asking price and offering cash) and said they landed in a rental for a few months. Her tone indicated she felt embarrassed by the situation. I saw an opportunity to reassure her and pounced! I wanted to put my comments to her in writing for others who may be in the same boat.

Let me start with some background. I was a home loan officer for three years and learned a lot during that time. The truth is most people bite off way more than they should chew. They get approved for the highest loan amount and most loan officers will not discourage it because they are getting a commission based on the loan amount. So, buyers wind up as what is referred to as “house poor.” They are unable to save, load up credit cards to afford furniture, food, and vacations, and are likely living paycheck to paycheck. And all to fit society’s definition of successful. If outward appearance is that important to you, go for it…but maybe revisit your values. If retiring at or before 65 and living a comfortable lifestyle when you do is important, reconsider buying the biggest house in the best neighborhood. And maybe, reconsider buying at all.

Competitive housing markets are unsettling–I live in one. Between a new market that made me uncomfortable and a job that I did not want to stay in long-term, I abandoned my plan to buy upon moving to Denver and have been renting. Early on, I also had some feelings of failure. After all, I am a 40-something and should always own a house! Wrong. (Read how owning a house that was too big launched me into minimalism here!) And when I received the biggest blessing and lost that job, you better believe I was relieved to not be paying principal, interest, taxes, and insurance. It also allowed me to store the minimal belongings I had and travel for 46 days without any housing costs. I had these thoughts and plans in my head all along but did not widely share them, I just wore my blinders when making decisions that affect me alone.

If you think buying a fixer-upper for $400,000 (quite realistic where I live) and having no money leftover is worth looking successful to those around you is a good idea, I hope you will reconsider. Every person is in a situation unique to them–put your blinders on when it comes to financial decisions. The best tip I can offer is to find a financial advisor you trust and start there. They will help you work through how much you should be saving for retirement and a ballpark home purchase budget. Home loan officers are only looking at your income and debt, not what you should be saving for your future. You should go into your first meeting with a loan officer knowing what you want to spend and not relying on them to tell you. If you live in a market where houses cost more than you should spend, look at different areas or rent for awhile. There is no shame in renting despite what we have been wired to believe.

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent” is a famous quote by Eleanor Roosevelt. Your support circle likely does not care how you secure housing as long as you have a roof over your head. And if they are not supportive of your choices, do you really want them in your circle? Do what is best for you and your financial situation. If you are a happy homeowner, wonderful! Please stop assuming everyone should fall in line with the path you chose and craft your comments carefully. I still believe “hike your own hike” is solid advice–I guess that is why I inked it on my body.

top pods of 2020

What a difference a year makes! That could apply to so much right now but I am specifically speaking of the podcast world. When I compiled my top 10 pod list for 2019, it was a pretty clear decision. During 2020 stay-at-home orders due to COVID-19, starting a podcast became the thing to do. While I love all the new content available, it makes subscription decisions difficult. I only have so many hours in a day and although I would love to spend them all listening to pods…I shouldn’t. When I compare my 2020 list to my 2019 list, it is apparent that my interests and values have shifted. It was definitely a year of learning and growth for me. I do try to select podcasts that would be of interest to a wider population, so I hope you will give them consideration.

My year-end list includes podcasts that I enjoyed all year (versus my Pod of the Week on Instagram, which is a specific episode from the week prior). Subscribing to a podcast takes some vetting and these mostly remained on my subscription list throughout 2020. Happy listening and learning!

#10 – Bill Gates and Rashida Jones Ask Big Questions

I reluctantly included this pod because it just started in mid-November, but I have enjoyed the episodes they have released thus far. I respect both Bill and Rashida and had no idea they were buddies! Both are deep thinkers yet have different levels of optimism, which leads to interesting conversations with their guests. Sadly they get my award for the worst theme song (it’s a familiar pop song that has always made my ears hurt!)

Favorite cast: Is it too late to stop climate change?

#9 – Zero to Travel

As someone who has made his living around travel, host Jason Moore pivoted nicely this year and had some really interesting guests discussing their adventures in life. I love hearing how others think outside the box and don’t conform to societal norms. After some episodes, I feel compelled to pack a bag and just…go.

Favorite cast: Exploring Your Limiting Beliefs & Finding Your Purpose with Kathleen Sinclair

#8 – Reply All

Alex Goldman and PJ Vogt have a rapport that makes this show fun (and the best laughs in pod world!) They have pulled in a third host and are releasing fewer episodes, so I fear they are focusing on other projects and Reply All might not be around much longer. I have never found a succinct way to describe their pod other than just suggesting that people listen. Sometimes they investigate something, sometimes they help a listener with a problem, and my favorite segment is “Yes Yes No” where Alex Bloomberg (their boss) brings something from the internet he doesn’t understand and they help him understand it. TERRIBLE description, I know….just listen.

Favorite cast: The Case of the Missing Hit

#7 – Ten Percent Happier

If you are at all interested in meditation, this pod is a good starting point as it is geared toward beginners. It is hosted by Dan Harris, who dove headfirst into meditation after having an on-air panic attack on Good Morning America. He wrote a book by the same name and the pod and an app followed. To kick off 2021, they are focusing on self-compassion (versus the useless resolution that most abandon by February). He has interesting guests about various topics – some more relatable to me than others. There are also short meditations for you to give it a try! I will warn you: if you are looking for instant gratification, you won’t find that in meditation. Rather, it equips for tumultuous times and your instinct from practicing will kick in.

Favorite cast: Fun is a Trainable Skill (And it doesn’t involve your phone) | Catherine Price (#289)

#6 – Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend

This is one of two pods that made my 2019 list. Conan obviously has the pull to draw some pretty well-known guests and he is so quick-witted in the conversations. To me, he seems to be one of the more humble folks in showbusiness. His assistant and producer play prominent roles in the episodes both with banter before and after the guest as well as some interjections throughout the interview.

Favorite cast: Amy Schumer

#5 – How I Built This

This is the second pod to make my list two years in a row. Guy Raz has a gift for doing just what he is doing. As I continue to ponder what entrepreneurial life might look like someday, I love linking the common themes from each of his guests. Essentially, most businesses are started by someone trying to solve a problem they encountered. They all seem to have the ability to keep pushing on when times get tough and have a pretty high appetite for risk. When Covid hit, he started dropping a second “Resilience” episode each week but I have not listened to those.

Favorite cast: McBride Sisters Wine (two parts)

#4 – Gaze at the National Parks

Dustin Ballard and Michael Ryan have become my two favorite National Park travelers this year. I started listening to them while preparing for my summer road trip. Podcasts are a great planning resource for anywhere you are going. Their episodes are the perfect mix of history, Public Lands-related news, trail & park reviews, and fun. They also get my vote for the best pod theme song. I would love to go on a hike with them someday!

Favorite cast: Channel Islands (two parts)

#3 – SmartLess

When I look for the positives to come out of the pandemic, this podcast is one! Will Arnett, Sean Hayes, and Jason Bateman get together for a conversation with a famous guest. Typically one of them invites the guest and the other two don’t know who it is until recording. They have fun and their personalities shine through while uncovering interesting stories from the guest. It dropped into my life at the right time when I needed some light-hearted, laugh-out-loud listens.

Favorite cast: Ricky Gervais

#2 – It Was Said

Historian Jon Meacham hosts this limited documentary series and his buttery voice will draw you in instantly. There are ten episodes and each one revisits a famous speech in history from JFK to Meghan McCain’s eulogy for her father. Meacham plays the speeches, interjecting throughout with context, analysis, and his expertise.

Favorite cast: Impossible. Each one is fantastic.

#1 – Freakonomics Radio

This podcast is made by the host and the format. Stephen Dubner does an outstanding job of asking fair–and sometimes tough–questions of his guests. The show also considers multiple sides when exploring an issue and I always learn something.

Favorite cast: America’s Hidden Duopoly

Honorable mentions: The Happiness Lab; Sleep With Me; Amateur Traveler; Everything, Everywhere; Secular Buddhism, Literally with Rob Lowe; Floodlines

how are you?

“How are you?” A greeting so commonplace that most tune out for the reply. The standard answer is a quick, “fine” or, “good” and on with the conversation. I recently heard a podcast host ask their guest, “How are you today?” The guest noticed and thanked them for adding “today” given the difficult times we are experiencing. I would guess the answer to that question has fluctuated wildly this year for many of us, depending on the day.

November was a challenging month for me. I leaned into gratitude and meditation but neither seemed to help. I forced myself to hike or sit outside and enjoy a beer with friends and while the melancholy was briefly numbed, it returned as soon as I went home. In an effort to reduce the stigma around bettering mental health, I have been open about my work with a therapist. I exercise my physical body daily so devoting care to my mental well-being makes perfect sense. Plus, 2020’s major themes for me have been growth and learning, so cognitive behavioral therapy has been fascinating to me. Self-care is vital. I mention all of this because when people have asked how I was doing over the last month, I have chosen to be honest and let them know I was not great. I noticed how uncomfortable this made some people. Some friends were quick to ask what they could do, and I am grateful for that response. But other people would briefly pause, mumble something, and continue with the conversation. Awkward! None of us have good days every day. If you do, I would like to know what you are putting in your coffee in the morning. This year, those not-so-good days have stretched into weeks or months for some. A friend recently reminded me of the advice I had given her earlier this year: have grace with yourself.

I put one of my favorite quotes on my phone wallpaper last week as a reminder: “Life is tough my darling, but so are you.” Life. Is. Tough. We can acknowledge that (especially this year) and really mean it when we ask someone how they are doing. And if they are not doing well, stop and listen. You likely will not have answers but telling them you are sorry they are not feeling well and offering support goes a long way. It is okay to not be okay.

As a verbal processor, I am grateful for my friends who have been there to listen. The calendar flipped to December earlier this week and somehow my mood flipped as well. I knew it would, eventually. Thanks to a free trial for a music app, creating fun playlists helped! Now that I am feeling like myself again, I will look for opportunities to help others who may not be feeling so great. And two already came. We are on quite a roller coaster ride this year. When you are riding high and inching toward that summit, take a glance down below you and see who can pull up with you. We need each other. And if you are looking for a quick jolt of joy, play “It’s Tricky” by Run DMC on full blast and dance wildly around your living room. I can personally attest to that being a mood booster.