“How are you?” A greeting so commonplace that most tune out for the reply. The standard answer is a quick, “fine” or, “good” and on with the conversation. I recently heard a podcast host ask their guest, “How are you today?” The guest noticed and thanked them for adding “today” given the difficult times we are experiencing. I would guess the answer to that question has fluctuated wildly this year for many of us, depending on the day.
November was a challenging month for me. I leaned into gratitude and meditation but neither seemed to help. I forced myself to hike or sit outside and enjoy a beer with friends and while the melancholy was briefly numbed, it returned as soon as I went home. In an effort to reduce the stigma around bettering mental health, I have been open about my work with a therapist. I exercise my physical body daily so devoting care to my mental well-being makes perfect sense. Plus, 2020’s major themes for me have been growth and learning, so cognitive behavioral therapy has been fascinating to me. Self-care is vital. I mention all of this because when people have asked how I was doing over the last month, I have chosen to be honest and let them know I was not great. I noticed how uncomfortable this made some people. Some friends were quick to ask what they could do, and I am grateful for that response. But other people would briefly pause, mumble something, and continue with the conversation. Awkward! None of us have good days every day. If you do, I would like to know what you are putting in your coffee in the morning. This year, those not-so-good days have stretched into weeks or months for some. A friend recently reminded me of the advice I had given her earlier this year: have grace with yourself.
I put one of my favorite quotes on my phone wallpaper last week as a reminder: “Life is tough my darling, but so are you.” Life. Is. Tough. We can acknowledge that (especially this year) and really mean it when we ask someone how they are doing. And if they are not doing well, stop and listen. You likely will not have answers but telling them you are sorry they are not feeling well and offering support goes a long way. It is okay to not be okay.
As a verbal processor, I am grateful for my friends who have been there to listen. The calendar flipped to December earlier this week and somehow my mood flipped as well. I knew it would, eventually. Thanks to a free trial for a music app, creating fun playlists helped! Now that I am feeling like myself again, I will look for opportunities to help others who may not be feeling so great. And two already came. We are on quite a roller coaster ride this year. When you are riding high and inching toward that summit, take a glance down below you and see who can pull up with you. We need each other. And if you are looking for a quick jolt of joy, play “It’s Tricky” by Run DMC on full blast and dance wildly around your living room. I can personally attest to that being a mood booster.
the single minimal(ist) 